So, we got into work this morning and someone had slipped the working draft of President Donald Trump’s speech for later this year when he pardons the Thanksgiving turkey. Admittedly, this is very early for Trump to be planning out the annual presidential tradition, and he’s not really known for writing his own speeches. But, we here at Mashable would be remiss if we didn’t publish this revealing document.
“Thank you, thank you for joining us for this very, very special day. It’s a day for justice, I think.
Can we get Waddles the turkey out here? There he is. Look at him. Just beautiful.
Today is the day when we really look at this turkey and ask ourselves what he really has done. I mean, you ask me, and a lot of people have, and when they do, I say this turkey is more innocent than anybody.
Since November started, I start seeing all sorts of people going after Waddles. Waddles does this wrong, Waddles does that wrong. Waddles had secret one-on-one feedings with this other turkey nobody likes. Where are these headlines coming from, I ask myself. It’s tough, you know, being a turkey and it seems to me that he’s just trying to create a nicer farm for everyone. Wouldn’t it be nice if Waddles got along with more people?
And now, here it is, Thanksgiving, and everyone has sharpened their knives to come after him. Some people have gotten together and planned on hunting Waddles down and taking him out. Even though he’s done so much for so many others. They’ve turned this turkey hunt into a witch hunt. It’s a mess, I tell you. Big mess. Big.